Or an hourglass?
Betty B. defines the characteristics of the shapefruit.
I have been following her series of posts on body type with much amusement. Mostly self-directed.
Look, I'm a geek-type mom. I don't know many homeschoolers who aren't (at least who really like homeschooling, as opposed to just doing it because they think they should, and more power to those moms by the way, but if you're really drawn to homeschooling you are almost by definition a nerd).
Most of my life I didn't get along very well with other women (still don't much) and have itched a little under the imaginary constraints of being (still have trouble typing this word) a homemaker.
Still, if I plop down in a waiting room next to a stack of Good Housekeeping and Family Circle and Real Simple, I'm going to read them. And I'm going to enjoy doing it. It's kind of a dirty little secret, but apparently I want to know ten household uses for a cut lemon, or how to pair silver and gold, or what the aspect ratio of my handbag should be, or whether this marriage can be saved.
And here I am with the entire Internet at my fingers, which is kind of like having an infinite supply of waiting room magazines, and what is the most engrossing, thought-provoking thing I read this week? Betty Beguiles telling me how to figure out if I am an apple, a pear, a banana, or an hourglass.
+ + +
So this is what she said about it:
- Banana -Your waist is at least 75% of your chest and hips, which are virtually the same.
- Apple -Your waist is at most 75% of your chest, and your chest is at least 110% of your hips.
- Pear - Your waist is at least 75% of your chest, and your hips are at least 110% of your chest.
- Hourglass - Your waist is less than 75% of your chest and hips, which are virtually the same.
So the first thing I did (obviously, because wouldn't you?) was to try to make a handy flowchart. Because that is the way that I wanted to re-blog the information.
And of course I couldn't, because the second thing that jumped out at me about her instructions was that they do not cover all mathematically possible cases. I restated them in the comments as follows:
Chest bigger than hips
Waist less than 75% of chest – apple
Waist more than 75% of chest – Unknown Fruit VHips bigger than chest
Waist less than 75% of chest – Unknown Fruit B
Waist more than 75% of chest – pearHips and chest similar
Waist less than 75% of chest and hips – hourglass
Waist more than 75% of chest and hips – bananaI nominate, respectively, a morel mushroom and a kabocha squash, but I am not sure that these have quite the cachet of apples, pears, and bananas.
Later I thought that Unknown Fruit B should really have been a butternut squash, which definitely doesn't have the cachet of apples, pears, or bananas. But I digress.
+ + +
It turns out that, despite believing myself to be an apple based on the less, er, scientific and more subjective criteria that you'll find in, say, Wikipedia or Cosmo, I am an extremely short banana. 36-31-35. Telescoped all together.
Which explains a lot, actually.
Because BB has been telling bananas that, since they have no waist, they should work to create a waist and define one. For example, she writes, "Invest in cute waist-defining belts to wear over shirts, cardigans and coats."
Good advice for tall bananas.
But short people are always told that we should never, never, never define our waist, because it cuts the body in half and emphasizes the shortness.
(Handy tip: If you google "cut the body in half" you will get a lot of results that are NOT ABOUT FASHION. Don't say I didn't warn you. Adding the term "belt" will help immensely.)
How short am I? I am so short that I literally cannot wear many "cute, waist-defining belts." You know that pelvic bone (iliac crest) that defines the top of your "hips?" And you know the bottom of the ribcage? And you know the gap between them where normal people put their waist? For me that gap is less than two and a half inches wide. Many belts won't even fit there. Wide cloth belts would fold themselves in half the long way. Wide leather belts would leave scars.
(I also have trouble fitting growing babies between my pelvis and my ribcage. In case you don't remember, here is a picture of what I looked like the last time I was nine months pregnant with a normal-sized baby. The definitive pregnant short banana.)
Anyway, I look forward to BB's resolving this basic dilemma of the short banana.
Because what else am I going to find out today from the Internet that will be more useful? I already know ten household uses for a cut lemon.
bearing blog 