(Permanent announcement: Blogging is low because I’m guestblogging at HMS Blog this week. If anyone can tell me how to make a Typepad post "Stick" to the top, let me know please.)
Mary Jane, seven months old, has to take four milliliters of a nasty-tasting antibiotic every day for the indefinite future.
We tried holding her down and squirting it into her throat with a syringe. She fought and struggled and cried and screamed. Often she got so worked up that she vomited it all over herself and us (did I mention that the antibiotic also stains clothing?).
We tried splitting the dose up into two 2-mL aliquots, then four 1-mL doses, then eight half-mL doses. No go. I think it’s a learned response. Now she practically starts to vomit at the sight of the syringe.
The doctor said: Try mixing it with applesauce and giving it to her on a spoon. She is only just now experimenting with solid foods. She refused the apple sauce. I tried mixing it with yogurt. She refused the yogurt. I tried to jam the spoon into her mouth. She vomited. I tried mixing it with apple butter. She accepted it — one mL antibiotics in two tablespoons of apple butter. (Also it took me over an hour to spoon-feed her. Did I mention I hate to spoon-feed?)
I cannot feed a seven-month-old baby half a cup of apple butter daily. I just can’t do it. Besides, if a baby and a half takes a milliliter and a half in an hour and a half — never mind.
The doctor said: I know this is crazy, but have you tried something stronger? Try chocolate syrup in the syringe.
I went to the store and bought Hershey’s Syrup. I started to mix the medicine with some chocolate syrup and then (because the drug is about fifty dollars an ounce) changed my mind and filled the syringe with half a mL of chocolate syrup.
I squirted it into her mouth. She threw up.
I gave her chocolate syrup on a spoon. She threw up.
The doctor said, Many moms have success with Coca-cola. Also that settles the stomach.
I said, I’m sorry, I must not have heard you right. Are you telling me to feed my seven-month-old Coca-Cola?
She said, Last resort time.
I gave the baby Coca-Cola in a syringe. She threw up. I gave her Coca-Cola on a spoon. She threw up.
I put down the spoon and sighed and turned around to see my six-year-old and three-year-old sharing the rest of the can of Coke, for breakfast.
I think I’m going to have to teach the baby to drink from a sippy-cup. Maybe I can mix it into some kind of juice. *sigh*
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