bearing blog


bear – ing n 1  the manner in which one comports oneself;  2  the act, power, or time of bringing forth offspring or fruit; 3 a machine part in which another part turns [a journal ~];  pl comprehension of one’s position, environment, or situation;   5  the act of moving while supporting the weight of something [the ~ of the cross].


  • I figured out how to eat vegetables again.

    One of the annoying things about first trimester is that it becomes hard to eat vegetables, at exactly the moment when you feel most guilty about having a cruddy diet.

    In my normal life, I eat copious quantities of vegetables, like four one-half-cup "servings" at a time, so it's especially noticeable when I switch to a yogurt-and-crackers-based existence.  

    I think I solved the problem this week, however.  

    Step One:  First, have a gigantic craving for Vietnamese food.  Stop on the way home from the gym and get a double order of imperial egg rolls (the little crispy kind, with rice noodles and pork and shreds of carrot inside, served with syrupy fish sauce with carrot floating in it) and a large order of veggie fried rice with extra veggies.

    Step Two:  Eat the egg rolls.  Be immediately blissful, followed shortly thereafter by being immediately sorry.  Unable to face it, stick the fried rice, unopened in its little wax carton, in the fridge for the next day, and stumble up to bed to lie down.

    Step Three:  Mix 3/4 cup of fried rice with an entire bag of steamable mixed veggies.  I chose "Asian Medley" but I believe broccoli, carrots, and snap peas would also be nice.

    Step Four:  Searching for protein, top with fried egg.  Or possibly handful of cashews.

    Step Five:  Sriracha!  And egg yolk all running down into the rice.  And soy sauce.

    Now all I need is a steady supply of carryout Vietnamese fried rice.  Unfortunately, I have yet to make it out of a Vietnamese carryout without also the egg rolls.

     


  • Woenails.

    A pall has been cast over the general feeling of well-being with which I started out this pregnancy.

    Yesterday, I took my daughter into the Y for her swimming lesson and then, unable to get the 3-year-old to feel happy about staying in the child care for me, skipped my own workout and instead ambled around the public areas of the Y with him in tow.  

    We watched the swimmers in the pool.  We peeped through the glass at the women lifting barbells to music in the BodyPump class ("They are practicing picking things up," he told me.)  We went to the snack machine to buy a granola bar, and the 3-year-old stepped backwards to get a broader look at the array of treats AND HE STEPPED ON MY TOE ALL FUNNY AND SHATTERED MY TOENAIL INTO ABOUT FIVE CRUNCHY PIECES.

    "Auuugh!  Ah, just a minute… ow…"

    I hopped over to a chair, reassembled my toenail without looking at it (horror horror horror) and pinched my thumb down over my toe.  As soon as my HORRIBLE UNDEAD toenail was all back together and seated properly, my toe felt happy and normal again.  

    Quick peek.  No blood.

    "I'm sorry, Mommy.  Can I have a blueberry bar?"  

    "Just a minute.  I need, uh, some tape or something."

    + + +

    So.  This is all because I went skiing in 2012 with new boots.  

    Two Februaries ago, we took a lovely week out in Montana at Moonlight Basin (totally. recommend. for. families.), and before we went I bought new ski boots.  They were well-fitting, selected with excellent service from a locally owned dealer, but you never quite know exactly how to adjust the buckles until you've skied in them for a day.   I spent the whole first day moving the buckles around between ski runs, trying to figure out exactly how tight everything needed to be; since they were new, none of the settings would give that "exactly right" feeling that you get when you correctly buckle into an old, well-worn pair.   And of course the boot will continue to mold to your foot a bit as you wear it over the seasons, so you would expect it to remain slightly uncomfortable even once you get it set right.

    Three ratchet-type buckles on each foot makes for a fairly large number of possible combinations of settings.  By the end of the first day I still hadn't quite gotten it figured out, but early on the first second day a telltale soreness in the top of my left foot clued me in that I had had the toe box too loose all along:  I'd been unconsciously pressing my foot against the top of the boot for balance.  I ratcheted the frontmost buckle down extra-tight, and — like magic — I suddenly re-acquired the ability to ski in control.   The rest of the trip was perfect skiing for me, maybe the best few days I've ever had.   I kept up with my big boys and had a great time.  Boot adjustment matters!

    But the Day of the Sloppy Toe Box had already taken its toll.  Within days I developed an ugly, black bruise on my left big toenail (from pressing it against the top of the toe box).  It didn't hurt, so I kept the toenail trimmed and went on with my life.  

    But then in May (we're still in 2012, mind you) one of the kids stumbled over one of my feet and applied some upward torque to my toe and OH %$&% HE RIPPED MY WHOLE TOENAIL OFF.

    Horror.  Horror.  Horror.  I am not an extremely squeamish person but there are some things I cannot stand.  I do not like it when children put their spit on me.  I do not like helping anyone get a particle out of his eye.  AND I DO NOT LIKE INVOLUNTARY AMPUTATIONS.  The sensation of air wafting over my naked nailbed gave me the screaming willies.  I was afraid to look at it.  I shoved the toenail back into place and immediately went into denial about what had just happened.  Sat there and just refused to believe it.

    + + +

    After a few minutes I managed to recover my senses long enough to Google "ripped toenail off" and find out what the hell I was supposed to do for a toenail until it grew back, and what I was going to do with my toe until then.  

    I found this extremely helpful blog post entitled "So, you've ripped off your toenail?"  (the blog, Jill Will Run, is a pretty good distance-running/health blog in and of itself) and did everything she said.  My poor dead toenail was completely detached, but I seated it back on the nailbed anyway, figuring that it was a perfectly shaped protective shield and also because then I could remain somewhat in denial.  (My toe felt awful awful awful — not painful, just got-the-heebie-jeebies awful — when the nail was off, and happy-la-la-everything-is-fine-it-was-all-a-bad-dream when the nail was on.)  

    I kept the toe taped up, wore a little gel toe cozy during the day, and religiously doused it with hydrogen peroxide at night to help prevent infection.  I carried a little Toenail TLC Kit around in my bag with me:  first aid tape, gauze, mini scissors to cut the gauze, an extra toe cozy, and some antiseptic wipes.  I carefully mummified my toe in waterproof tape before swimming laps, and de-mummified it after my shower, replacing the waterproof tape with air-permeable tape and gauze so the damp skin wouldn't get all gross.  A couple of times I had to get out of the pool and re-tape the toe when the tape started flapping during a swim, because it's not nice to let bandages float away into the water, and also it feels annoying.  After a few weeks I got up the courage to start running again, gently at first, and more confidently after I became certain that my toe would not poke into the front of my shoe hard enough to disturb my carefully constructed toe bandage.

    I am not a high maintenance person; but gee howdy, I had a High Maintenance Toe until about January, when I finally had the courage to peep under my carefully preserved undead toenail and discover that there was enough new toenail under there that I could throw the old one away.

    I nostalgically thought about keeping it, maybe putting it under my pillow for the nail fairy, but then came to my senses.  It had betrayed me, and served its sentence, and now it could be returned to the universe.

    The very next month we went skiing again, and my ski boots were correctly tightened, and all was fine, and I thought my long horrifying ordeal was over.

    + + +

    All right, fast forward to this week.  Sixteen months after the original ski-boot bruising, and it became extremely clear that my new toenail was not correctly formed.  The truth is I wasn't terribly surprised when one little stomp from a three-year-old shattered it, because only a couple of days ago I was frowning at the toenail because it didn't look right.  It wasn't the same color as my other toenails:  a dead-looking yellow all over instead of rosy pink back by the cuticle.  I had made a mental note to be careful when trimming it.

    I guess I was right.  It was a toenail miscarriage.

    I would like to say that it's going to be easier this time because I know what to do about the toenail (although maybe this time I should listen to Mark and suck it up and not baby it so much; maybe I smothered it with all my TLC, and he's right and I should just get over the HORRIBLE AMPUTATION HEEBIE JEEBIES and stop taping it up and learn to get used to living without a toenail until the new one grows back).

    And I may have to do this anyway.  Because, let's face it, I do not see myself bending over to tape up my toe twice a day in the third trimester of pregnancy, as I looked in this photo from January 2010.


    Unknown
    Tiny me with big belly

     

    Yeah, not going to happen.

     


  • The hypothesis which is mine.

    I have this hypothesis about parenting…

    …yes, I still have some hypotheses left after four empirical children!

    …that went into my thinking as Mark and I were discussing whether to go for number five.

    + + +

    (MY thinking, mind you.   I don't want this to become the sort of mommyblog post where the author writes "I prayed about this" and "I deeply felt that" and "It seemed to me that we should" and at the same time leaves entirely unmentioned, as if unimportant, any hint of involvement of The Husband in the discernment.  So.  Without having to dive into other aspects of this rather complicated subject, and so preserving the proper intimacy of the marital relationship, let's just toss it on the table that this is purely my hypothesis, and if it proves totally wrong, it's me who has to walk it back and not him.)

    The line of reasoning goes like this.

    + + +

    (1)  Raising teenagers is reputed to be difficult and confusing, such that in the absence of any actual difficulty, the prospect of setting out on the journey with children ages 13 to 19 intimidates.

    (2)  Intimidation depletes confidence.

    (3) A parent who can maintain a sense of confidence is a parent who can remain assertive:  authoritative without being authoritarian, just without being judgmental, cautious without being overprotective.  

    (4) Confidence comes, in part, from regularly engaging in challenging tasks that require well-developed skills:  from seeing before you a job that you know will be difficult enough to require your careful attention, while (because you know you have the skills, or perhaps because you have done it before) you fully expect you will succeed.

    (4a) In other words:  flow!

    (5) Suppose you're working at a job that presents you with some intimidating tasks, tasks that require yet-undeveloped skills, and you quail before them because you're not at all sure you will succeed at them.   It's nice, then, if your job also entails some other tasks which are quite routine, mindless even, and so less psychologically exhausting, a place you can escape to — without slacking off, since those routine tasks must also be done.  

    It's even better if your job entails, too, some flow-rich tasks, the kind that are psychologically absorbing in a good way; things that call on the full exercise of the skills you're most confident in.  You emerge from the other side of those not rested but energized – feeling competent and valuable — and with some perspective you can remember that once, too, those skills were underdeveloped, and yet you developed them, and look where you are today.

    It can almost make you excited about learning new skills.  Though the risk of failure is ever-present, that is what makes new skills worth developing.  Who would care about skill if success is inevitable?  Where could you find flow?

    (6)  So it's a good idea to arrange your workload to contain plenty of challenging-but-well-within-your-ability tasks, and a sprinkling of routine-and-kind-of-mindless tasks, at the same time that you embark upon a new and intimidating project with considerably high stakes.

    (7) Therefore, I should have a new baby the same year my first child becomes a teenager.

     

    + + + 

    So, I'll let you know how that goes, hm?


  • Things I am learning about being pregnant with my fifth child.

     

    I keep wandering into the room where I store all my dog-eared books about pregnancy and childbirth, and pulling one off the shelf. It’s nostalgia, I think: I am thinking back to being newly pregnant previous times, when I read voraciously about all the things that were going to happen to my body, tips for having a good homebirth, nutritional advice, that sort of thing. I deal with uncertainty and new situations by seeking information — grasping a subject makes me feel like I have power over it, somehow — and I suppose, now that I think about it, it’s partly true. I remember how in my first couple of pregnancies the mixed feelings of excitement and fear blended into a mostly-positive anticipation with every new book I read and every new piece of information I could assimilate.

    But you know what? THERE ARE NO NEW PIECES OF INFORMATION IN THESE $@$#%ing BOOKS.

    + + +

    What with the march of scientific progress and advances in the mommy wars, there could be some new pieces of information out there by now. Possibly there is some gadget invented in the last few years that I might want to buy, or a new consensus on some type of food that pregnant women are now supposed to avoid for a non-stupid reason. (Maybe someone somewhere has written a picture book meant especially to help a toddler AND HIS THREE OLDER SIBLINGS welcome the new baby.)

    But it is kind of a pain to sift through books that tell me that I will enjoy the novelty of my newly burgeoning womanhood, and that I should be understanding when my partner expresses doubt and fearfulness about his impending new role.

    I think what I need is a publication that cuts through all the crap and simply lists Updates To The Standard Pregnancy Advice From The Last Four Years. Since 1999, when I became pregnant for the first time, I’ve definitely seen a few changes. I remember the big shift in the GBS protocol (from an attention to cleanliness after the water breaks, to “forget-that-we-just-put-1/3-of-all-laboring-women-on-IV-antibiotics”). I remember when a turkey sandwich, once a great source of convenient protein, suddenly changed to stillbirth-on-rye.

    At minimum, I could probably use a rundown on what’s going on in hospitals these days, since (even though I’ve had four homebirths now) it always pays to be prepared in case circumstances change and we choose differently.

    + + +

    It’s obvious that I am pregnant, even at 8 weeks, even though I can still fit into my regular clothes. But you know — it’s risky to assume. When i saw the eyes dart to the belly before the receptionist at the YMCA looked me in the eye and asked me, “How was your swim, Erin? All alone today?” last night, I took pity on her and answered “Only kinda sorta!” Might as well get the staff at the Y past the “Is she or isn’t she?” stage, or it will be an awkward 3-4 months.

    + + +

    So much feels like routine. I find myself saying “When I am pregnant, I [blah blah blah],” in much the same way that I might say, “When it rains…” or “When I’m bored…”

    + + +

    Being longtime NFP users gives Mark and me enough perspective to assimilate and accept that at the age of 40 and 38, we are still quite young enough to have more children after this one… whether we decide to try again or not.

    Nevertheless, this time around I am finding myself thinking and speaking and writing as if I were confident that this pregnancy will be my last pregnancy, and feeling comfortable with that.

    This is a new train of thought for me, and I am almost surprised to be having it. Thoughts like “This could be the last time I ever have to go through the can’t-stand-to-drink-coffee phase, if I want it to be,” are not wistful thoughts, but relieved thoughts. I have found myself thinking, “In 7 months it is going to feel %#*%ing GREAT when I expel this placenta. Somebody better be standing there with a pitcher of margaritas.”

    + + +

    However, having gone through this four times before, I also know that I could well feel wistful again three years from now. Good thing it can’t go on forever.

    + + +

    Grand multipara, here I come. I kind of wish I could stick it after my name, like the Ph.D. Or maybe before. “That’s Grand Multipara Bearing to you. I didn’t give birth five times so I could be called Doctor.”

    + + +

    This episode of pregnancy cravings brought to you by: tomatoes. Especially in form of sandwich. Also V-8.

     


  • Unmagical thinking.

    Okay…. talk me down from this place that Twitter, news site comments, and FB have stranded me on.

    Repeat after me enough and maybe I'll believe it:

    The country has always been going to hell in a handbasket.  There has never not been a time when the country has been going to hell in a handbasket.  The country will always be going to hell in a handbasket, at least from someone's point of view.

    There's nothing particularly special about the fact that right now, it's my point of view's turn.  Right?

    + + +

    Andrew Jackson refused to enforce and abide by the law as interpreted by the Supreme Court and nobody did anything about it.  Local, state, and federal laws and practice, in north and south, enshrined written and unwritten policies that literally stole wealth from generations of nonwhite families well into the twentieth century.  FDR thought it would be a great idea to put a few extra justices, something like ten more, in the Supreme Court.  For forty years the most concrete manifestation of a "right to privacy" has been a license to commit murder.  And for all of these outrages and more, there have always been a large number of American citizens who said, "Fine with me," or what's maybe worse, "It doesn't affect me, so, who cares?"

    + + +

    It comes down to this:  I don't think that the country has enough political will to put the brakes on the federal government's expansion of powers that arguably violate the fourth amendment.

    There are too many people who espouse "If you don't have anything to hide, you don't have anything to worry about."

    There are too many people who espouse "Anything that makes us safer is worth doing" without asking the question, "How will we know if it makes us safer?"

    There are too many people who espouse "So-and-so wouldn't be in trouble if he hadn't done something wrong."

    In my sleepless nights I worry that there are a large number of people who figure that there are a lot of benefits to living in a police state, so long as the people with the correct letter after their names are in charge of the police.  

    There are so many of these people that, I fear, the anything-for-security people will win.  The political will will not be there to protect the free expression of unpopular ideas.  The political will will not be there to protect religious minorities and to guard against preferential treatment in accommodations for favored groups.  The political will will not be there to maintain Fourth Amendment protections.  And the decisions will be made in secret, with the public's blessing, because the majority of the public will never, never accept that cops and schoolteachers and tax collectors and prison guards and regulators and presidents (with the correct letter after their names) could ever use secrecy in any way except to take good care of us and all the other good people, the ones who follow the rules and like it.

    + + + 

    Privilege.  Privilege.  Privilege.  This is what the don't-have-anything-to-hide, anything-to-make-us-safer, he-must've-done-something-to-deserve-it people have in common.  They are speaking from behind a cushion of privilege so soft and warm that they cannot even tell it is there.  The privilege of people who have never been singled out, who don't have something they might prefer quite reasonably to hide, who are the acceptable people.  Who have never had the misfortune to make an enemy with a government job, who have never been embroiled in the justice system or family court, who are content to play by rules without questioning them and have never had the rules come back to bite them, in large part because they belong to the class of people who make the rules.

    + + +

    I don't have anything to hide, so why should I care about privacy?

    I'm white, so why should I care about racism?

    + + +

    The Bill of Rights — and I confess that I'm here thinking mostly of the first, fourth, fifth, sixth, and eighth amendments — nominally restrain the power of the federal government with respect to the individual.    

    It's not hard, however, to read them as a restraint on a pervasively flawed and twisted aspect of fallen human nature, one we would all do well to root out when we find it within ourselves.

    And that is our tendency to convince ourselves that bad things do not happen to good people.

    If you need Scriptural evidence that this is, indeed, a Big Problem for the human race that we have been well advised to work on, please refer to the entire book of Job.

    "Bad things don't happen to good people" is a comforting thought for a number of reasons.

    1. Bad things don't happen to good people; bad things have not, so far, happened to us; therefore, all evidence suggests that we are good people.
    2. Bad things don't happen to good people; we are good people; therefore, bad things won't happen to us.
    3. Bad things have happened to those people; bad things do not happen to good people; therefore, those people are not "good people," and we have no obligation or ability to relieve their suffering.
    4. Bad things don't happen to good people; good people are people who follow certain rules; therefore, if we follow certain rules, bad things won't happen to us.

    You see how thinking this way is a temptation to many people.  It is also called "magical thinking," because it causes so many good people to believe that they, somehow, can prevent bad things from happening to them by behaving the "right" way, where the "right" way is equivalent to "what good people do."

    Go find any news story about a person who has suffered a terrible accident or crime.  Dive down into the comments.  Someone, somewhere, is convinced that the sufferer suffers (or lost his life), fundamentally because he did something wrong.  Cyclist hit by a drunk driver?  You'd have to be an idiot to be riding your bicycle on the street at that time of night.  Injured in a fall while rock climbing, and carried out by county SAR?  We shouldn't be bailing out these thrill-seeking dummies.  Killed in a building collapse caused by shoddy demolition next door?  There's no way I would even have gone to work in that store, it was so obvious that the wall was going to fall down.  Lost a son or daughter to a drug overdose?  Maybe if she spent more time parenting and less time blogging this wouldn't have happened.  

    It's an impulse that may seem merely provincial, perhaps ignorant, certainly common.  But it's a root of pure evil, because it convinces us we ought to do nothing to help the poor and suffering, because they probably deserve it.

    + + +

    It's this tendency in fallen human nature that the writers of the Bill of Rights were writing against.  They wrote it to restrain the government, because the "bad things don't happen to good people" mentality is particularly dangerous when it is held by the people who have the power to enforce the "rules for being good people."

    For instance:

    Bad things don't happen to good people.  Being accused of a crime is a bad thing.  Therefore, the accused is a bad person.  

    (I mean… just look at him.  Do you really need a jury to figure that out?)

    Or:

    Bad things don't happen to good people.  We are good people.  Therefore, there are no downsides to permitting random searches of private papers or property or what-have-you, because we are good people and it would be a bad thing if the government used something they found against us, or pretended to find something that really the government agent planted there, because maybe he had a quota to fill or something, and we cannot imagine that ever happening because, like I said, we are GOOD PEOPLE and bad things don't happen to good people and they wouldn't try that quota thing on us because, come on, aren't there some BAD PEOPLE out there, and wouldn't it'd be a lot easier to get away with planting contraband in THEIR personal effects?  

    And before you know it, we're okay with that sort of thing.  And it all comes down to … what?  

    I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.

    + + +

     As usual, human nature contains multitudes.  There is another, opposite temptation called "bad things that happen to me are someone else's fault," and since humans are nothing if not adaptable, it is entirely possible to hold both of them at once.

    This complicates the proposed solutions, to be sure, to the problem of magical thinking.


  • Fessing up.

    All righty then…

    I got the impression that some of you have been wondering what’s up with the posting frequency, or infrequency as the case may be, here at the bearing blog.

    Time to make excuses! Or, rather, an excuse. The fifth of its kind!

    An excuse which should show up, oh, around mid-January 2014, but which is already making itself — I mean, himself or herself — plenty evident around here.

    Pass the saltines and ginger tea.

    And maybe a little later, the champagne!

    + + +

    How did the kids take it, you ask?

    • The 12-year-old: I knew something was up when you kept skipping dinner.
    • The 9-year-old: I thought you were starting to look fat!
    • The 6-year-old: Mama, I’m so proud of you!
    • The 3-year-old: New babies can drink cow milk, you know.

    I have some time to work on that last one. Meanwhilllllllzzzzzzz…….


  • Scariness is relative.

    I was reading and laughing at the comments on Calah’s giveaway post that asked, “What terrifies you about homeschooling?” Parents confessing that they are afraid their children will grow up not knowing how to do long division, or that the kids will hate their parents for schooling them. We have all been there.

    Then I clicked over to the local news and read, “Hopkins High senior charged with sex-trafficking cheerleading teammate.” The sixteen-year-old victim receives special education services. The eighteen-year-old senior prostituted her on Backpage-dot-com and deposited the money into her own bank account. When the case came to light at the suburban school, parents weren’t notified “because it didn’t happen on school grounds” — even though the 18-year-old tricked school officials into releasing the 16-year-old from school so she could take her to meet johns during school hours by impersonating the 16-year-old’s mother.

    Yeah. Let me know when there’s a giveaway about that kind of fear.

     


  • Using persons as rhetorical means to an end.

    The smart but acerbic Mark Shea has posted, believe it or not, an apology for his tone and attitude in writing in recent months. It’s a beautiful example of a real-not-fake apology, and I am probably not the only person who is glad to see it; Shea is usually, I think, correct, but sometimes I can’t stand to read him even when I agree with him because, well, he can be mean. Smart, but dismissive. So I am glad to see this apology, and sincerely wish him fruitfulness in his efforts to respect persons more.

    I wanted to highlight part of it, which I think is a good statement of an error that many persons fall into when they write or post about politics (or entertainment or economics, for that matter). It has to do with the notion of “using persons as means to ends,” which in Catholic moral theology is an absolute no-no. (It is probably also forbidden in other systems of ethics, and should be in more, as it’s more protective of the weak than is your standard Golden-Rule-driven system). A pithy way of putting the same principle is “The opposite of love is not hate; it’s use. The opposite of loving a person is using a person.”

    Mr. Shea writes that he has a strong compulsion to fight against any notion of reducing persons to a means to an end, and yet he himself is guilty of the same crime in the rhetorical arena:

    Observant readers will grasp that this has more than a little to do with my intensely strong reaction to the notion of using people as means to ends–as though the person himself is merely a tool. Hence my intense reactions to such questions as abortion, torture and the whole Live Action thing[*], all of which involve reducing people to things or means to an end.

    But there’s a bitter irony in all that too… I really saw this weekend that I have myself long had a habit of reducing other people to means to ends, depersonalizing them, and treating them with little or no respect. It works this way:

    If I am arguing with somebody who seems to me to merely be in intellectual error…, I will treat that one with respect. But when I feel as though I am engaged with somebody who is wilfully refusing to get the point, I will generally reach a point where I decide “Okay, you refuse to listen honestly or reply honestly, so I will henceforth respond to you only for the sake of those third party bystanders watching the conversation who will listen. You have just been reduced to a Thing: a means to the end of talking to them.”

    In addition, my attitude toward Public Figures is much the same. I tend not to see them as human beings, but as sort of semi-fictional characters. People who don’t fully exist but who are In the News and therefore symbols or representatives of ideas.

    That last bit is significant: the Public Figure as a nonperson, someone who has surrendered part of his or her humanity. It is so common that we hardly think about it. Sometimes it may be naturally necessary, a simple consequence of being in the public eye; for example, our legal system literally strips public figures of some of the privacy and defamation protections that “private citizens” enjoy. That may be necessary to balance their rights against the rights of a free press in a country that highly values freedom of speech and information. But it’s not generally necessary for individuals to treat public figures as nonpersons.

    It’s so very difficult, though, to avoid seeing them — and using them — as mere symbols. Look at the vitriol people spew towards political candidates from the party they oppose (yes, indeedy, it goes both ways). Spend a few minutes reviewing political posts from your friends on Facebook and ask yourself, “is the subject of this post being used as a means to score a political point?” Has your friend reduced a public figure’s personality to the content of one statement or one political position? Has your friend extrapolated the figure’s entire intellectual or moral character from the content of one political position? Is your friend mocking a politician or celebrity in a way that offends human dignity — denying the individual humanity of members of a group because of their sex, sexuality, race, religion, or class? Has your friend singled out a particularly unattractive individual as a convenient representative for a whole group of people? Has your friend perpetuated an assumption of malicious intent behind an act, when a benevolent interpretation is far more likely to be accurate?

    Yeah, I am seeing a lot of that. And over the past year or so, I have developed more and more distaste for it to the point that I don’t enjoy posting anything with political content. I rarely even openly criticize them, because in social media, to criticize is to widen the audience (my followers see what I reply to on Twitter, my friends see whatever I comment on in Facebook).

    It’s surprisingly difficult to criticize public figures for their political stance without falling into the easy habits of mockery and, well, using people.

    And yet, political speech is important speech, and moral speech is one of the duties of the Christian. So how do you post anything at all that involves a public figure without using him or her as a means to an end?

    I think one important principle is to restrict your criticism to actions, behavior, and decisions without trying to see into someone’s heart and criticize his character. Christians ought to be much better at this than the average person, and much better than we are. My observation is that it’s very common for the general public to conflate identity and behavior, but we have a long tradition of distinguishing between “sinner” and “sin.” We fall into this error too, and we need to catch it and root it out wherever it exists. It’s difficult, because for various reasons right now, the conventional wisdom is extremely suspicious of the notion that it’s even possible to “hate the sin and love the sinner;” right now, for instance, Catholics are engaged in defense of our beliefs about marriage, and a large number of people have an interest in portraying us as holding those beliefs not because of our theological convictions about marriage as an image of the life-giving reciprocal self-gift that is the relationship between Christ and the Church (pfft! who can follow all that?), but because the Catholic Church “hates gays.”

    Another principle is to take care with adjectives that modify the person rather than their actions, statements,or positions. This is one of my pet peeves. I occasionally follow a group blog about Catholicism in American Culture, but have mostly stopped reading it because one of the bloggers thinks it’s fun to repeatedly refer to a particular Democratic politician as a “worthless hack.” I don’t care how odious her political positions are, and I don’t care how intellectually vapid her justifications are for what she does. No one has any business describing any other human being with an adjective like “worthless,” and for a Catholic blogging as a Catholic to do so is an offense against God to whom we are all beloved. Period.

    Rooting out depersonalizing adjectives while still making a legitimate point is largely a matter of recasting the sentence. Does it sound like there’s not much difference between “Smith is disgusting” and “Smith disgusts me?” Still, the first is a statement about Smith and the second a statement about your feelings toward Smith; the latter’s more defensible, and represents a rhetorical habit that holds the line against depersonalizing adjectives. Still better, if it’s an accurate characterization, would be something like “When I heard about Smith’s vote on the House bill, I felt disgusted.” To write something like this reminds you not to let your feelings generalize from action to person. If you find yourself disgusted by a person — that is to say, by the sum total of all that they are — then you have a beam in your eye.

    I don’t think the prohibition against using persons as means to an end entirely rules out satire as a rhetorical tool, but satire must be deployed carefully lest it devolve into dehumanizing mockery. We have a long history of trenchant political cartoons that make their point concisely by depicting real persons (or groups of persons) in symbolic or representational ways; by extrapolating certain general conclusions from specific statements; and by isolating specific political positions while at the same time putting a face to them. The same kinds of shorthand are at play in circulating memes and carefully selected unattractive photos. When is this okay and when is it not?

    Unfortunately, I think a good deal of it has to do with how skilled you are at making your precise point. Let’s say that you wish to make a point of your opinion that a certain politician’s well-received statement “A,” if taken to a logical conclusion, leads to the statement “B” which would not be so popular; you hope to show that holding “A” is equivalent to holding “B” and thereby convince many people to reject “A” who wouldn’t otherwise see the connection. You have a tough line to walk: you need to show that the politician’s position on “A” is consistent with “B,” without actually mischaracterizing him as explicitly stating “B.” Political cartoonists get a certain amount of leeway, I think, because we’re supposed to understand that a cartoon is a form of shorthand. But the line can be tricky to draw. Take this cartoon that appeared in the Sacramento Bee soon after the still-under-investigation ammonium nitrate explosion in West, Texas:

     

    The point of the cartoon is clear: Texas Governor Rick Perry promotes industrial deregulation as a means to encouraging economic development, but deregulation can reduce industrial safety and perhaps lead to incidents like large facility explosions (coming so soon after the explosion in West, the unstated implication is that loose industrial regulations may have been a factor).

    Now I happen to lean toward erring on the side of deregulation in a poor economy, I support the notion of states being able to set some of their own levels of regulation according to local needs, and until the investigation is complete I am reluctant to jump to conclusions about whether the West explosion points to a need to tighten Texas’s safety rules. That is to say, I ought not be inclined to cut this cartoon any slack. But I happen to think this is a well-crafted cartoon that makes its point very effectively. I think it follows the general tradition of political cartoon shorthand, arguing that the logical conclusion of reducing regulation is accepting more risk of industrial disasters.

    But it’s not so clear-cut. Other people (not surprisingly, including Gov. Perry) argued that the cartoon is beyond the pale: that it exploited the victims of the West explosion to make a political point, “mocking the tragic deaths of my fellow Texans and our fellow Americans.” You could also argue that it is unfair to Governor Perry, if you think that it implies that Perry approves of industrial disasters; here’s an example of another artist’s cartoon that I think does cross that line.

    The SacBee cartoonist, Jack Ohman, defended the cartoon, writing, “My job… is to be provocative.” I think he’s right, but we have to ask what the political cartoonist is supposed to provoke. Second thoughts about previously unexamined opinions? Yes. Dehumanizing or false beliefs about a person or persons? No.

    + + +

    So how do we push back against dehumanizing political speech? The first step is, as always, attention to the beam in our own eyes — the kind of self-examination and purging to which Mark Shea has just vowed to recommit himself. Refuse to return a blow for a blow, and commit yourself to scrupulous attention to the ethics of your own writings.

    Only then can you turn your attention to charitable correction of others’ failings. And even then, you have to distinguish between the bad thing So-and-so said, and the badness of So-and-so himself.

    One principle is to remember to push back against dehumanizing remarks from the people on “your side” just as fervently as you would push back against similar remarks from the people on “the other side.” Maybe more fervently, because the argument might carry more weight coming from you.

    As much as I would like to, incidentally, I can’t give up on anyone; can’t roll my eyes and sigh, “You just can’t argue with him.” It comes down to that theological virtue we call Hope: no person is beyond reach. On the other hand, I might well be the worst person to try to reach a particular individual, so interactions with other’s errors mean constant discernment of whether my decision not to engage is correct (because what I’ll choose to say is unlikely to make things better) or cowardly (because I’ve given up on their ability to see reason at all). It’s not easy, but then, staying true to truth often isn’t.

     

     

     

    __________

    [*]Footnote for those who aren’t familiar with this reference. “The whole Live Action thing” refers to the “stings” carried out in Planned Parenthood offices by the group Live Action, in which a young woman posing as a client who sought an abortion tried to catch PP workers violating the law; for example, she might pose as an underage girl pregnant by an older man. Shea has argued forcefully against these and other tactics that rely on deception to produce bad publicity.

     


  • A box that fits well enough.

    Let me tell you a story.

    When Mark and his buddy were out in Colorado a couple of weeks ago, they hired a mountaineering instructor and climbing guide named Russell. Over the first couple of days of the trip, the three of them had plenty of time to chat — during the initial what-kind-of-climber-are-you conversation, during lunch, while driving up into the mountains — and Mark got to hear some of Russell’s life story.

    Russell used to be an accountant. He went through business school, did well, had a well-paying job behind a desk. After six months, he decided he didn’t want that kind of life, so he quit his job and moved where he could work in the mountains. The work is hard and the money is unpredictable (besides all the guiding and instructing gigs, he also works as a substitute teacher), but he’s happier, he’s outdoors all the time, and he has more freedom — enough to be planning a five-week honeymoon in Europe, climbing the Alps with his bride.

    + + +

    Russell’s story sounds like a trope, even though Russell is real. Maybe the story isn’t accurate — who knows? Maybe Russell really quit accounting because he wasn’t any good at it, or felt like a failure, or struggled with depression. Whatever the background, this is the story that Russell tells his clients — at least the ones who are athletic, professional-class middle-aged men.

    It is a good story. I think it is a very acceptable story. In our culture at least, one way for a person who does not work a white-collar job to pass the “I am not a loser” test among white-collar people is to have this kind of story: I once was one of you, but I decided to escape the rat race and live a life with more freedom. Crucial to the acceptance-level of the story is some indication that the speaker could have chosen the conventional route — in this case, had actually chosen it for a while — but then freely decided to walk away from it. I’m a climbing guide sounds exciting enough, but I used to be an accountant, but now I am a climbing guide lends a whiff of adventurous respectability.

    It works, I think, because enough professional-class people are dissatisfied with the frustrations of their daily lives that the story touches some unspoken fantasy of doing the same thing; or at least, a fair number of people can easily see how the mountains might call more compellingly than the spreadsheet. This is why so many people have hobbies.

    + + +

    It occurred to me that my professional life story could be made to fall neatly into a similar trope — only instead of sailing the wide accountancy, I was embedded in engineering academia, and instead of quitting to head for the hills, I left to have babies and teach them as they grow. To me, the story has a similar “feel” to the accountant-turned-mountain-man trope. I passed the entrance tests, so to speak. I spent enough time on the inside to have a grasp of the kind of life I might lead if I stuck to my original plans. Importantly (for the narrative at least) I stayed long enough to acquire a credential, the proof that I walked away from it all by choice and not because the system chewed me up and spit me out. And I did behold two possible futures that stretched out before me, and reached out my hand and chose the one that I foresaw — for me — meant greater peace and greater happiness. Less money, and more freedom (of a certain type), and more love.

    The trope doesn’t quite match up with the truth. (And who knows what details Russell the mountaineer left out of his story, to make his story ring so well, so that his listeners will slot him into the “ditched the rat race, found true happiness” box, which in America is a Good Kind Of Box To Be In, a noble working-class designation, if not the deserving poor, then the deserving mostly-broke). There is anxiety in the truth to my story; and an identity crisis; and the slow, terrifying grasping of Catholic teaching on marriage and how it was going to apply to the particularities of the marriage I was in; and the simultaneous appreciation of the needs and realities of children; and the trying-out, along the way, of unworkable halfway solutions where, I hoped, I might be able to keep one foot in each world.

    The true story lacks the casualness of “I decided to walk away from all that.”

    The casualness is a key feature of the narrative’s acceptability. The narrator establishes the self as cool and detached. I was anything but detached while it was all going on. I am, actually, pretty well detached from the old life now that it is so distant. I project that detachment back into the past as if I had it all along.

    But maybe the pleasant trope, incomplete picture that it is, can be exploited. People will make snap judgments because this is what people do. Might as well get comfortable in a box that is reasonably close to the truth and has a fair chance of being looked upon with approval.

    So.

    I quit the rat race, and now I’m a somewhat-crunchy homeschooling mom, and I like it. That’s my story, and as long as you know me only superficially, I just may stick to it.


  • Detailed plans for peace of mind.

    Last week I unwittingly worried a friend of mine in Facebook chat.  

    I'd mentioned that Mark was out in Colorado on a climbing trip.  The last exchange of the chat went like this:

    FRIEND:  Prayers 'till Mark gets home!

    ME:  Thanks! If he doesn't call by 11 pm I have to call search and rescue.

    Would love to chat longer but have to teach history now. Take care!

    + + +

    On Sunday at coffee and donuts she mildly chastised me for joking about the search and rescue.  "I wasn't sure whether to be worried about you or not!" she said.  

    Of course, I hadn't been joking, but I also hadn't thought that it would have been the kind of thing that would worry a friend.   Why did I throw the offhand comment out?

     I suppose it's one of those things you do in the Twitter age.  We are now masters of the Short Enticing Comment Intended To Give The Appearance Of Having A Much Longer Story Behind It.

     The idea is, of course, that in your interlocutor's imagination, the story you merely hinted at will grow to hilarious proportion, and your interlocutor will project their own imaginings onto you, and you will be lauded for your sparkling wit.  When in fact all you wrote was something like "OMG NO NOT THE MOLASSES #twoyearolds #bathtime #gin"

    +  +  +

    Anyway, the truth is that I was not, in fact, joking about the search and rescue — well, I did abbreviate a bit, as one is wont to do.  My actual instructions were to wait until 11 p.m. for contact from Mark, and then start calling these numbers in order:

    1. Mark's cell 
    2. His climbing buddy's cell
    3. The backcountry guide's cell
    4. His climbing buddy's wife back at home in Tennessee
    5. The mountain climbing school and guiding service
    6. A climbing gym that serves as the after-hours contact number for said service
    7. The county search and rescue (SAR) dispatch

    If you're wondering whether it isn't the job of the mountain climbing school and guiding service to decide whether it's time to call SAR, you're right — the service has a protocol for keeping tabs on their guides in the field.  If one doesn't check in after a trip, they are supposed to follow up.   (That's why I'm supposed to call the guiding service before going straight to SAR myself.)

    But redundancy is a good thing, and nobody's more interested in having Mark come home safely than I am, so nobody's better suited for the task of checking up on him should he go missing.  Besides, he was planning to climb a different mountain two days later with his buddy and no guide, and in that case there wasn't going to be a mountain school looking over his shoulder.

    + + +

    "I'd be so worried if my husband gave me a set of instructions like that," a different friend said to me on a differnet occasion.

    I said, "I'd be more worried if he didn't."  

    One of the first rules of safe backcountry travel is to let someone else know exactly where you intend to go and when you intend to get back.  You'll find this advice everywhere; here it is in a well-written .pdf about backcountry safety:

    One important rule too often forgotten is to let others know exactly where you are going, with
    whom and when you can be expected back. I hate to sound maternal, but search and rescue
    teams often spend hours driving around on back roads looking for a subject's vehicle before they
    know where to enter the field to begin a search.

    By letting someone know EXACTLY where you intend to go, when you expect to return and where
    your vehicle will be parked, you can eliminate the possibility of searchers having no idea of where
    to look. Should your plans change in route to your destination, stop and notify that person of your
    new itinerary. In addition, if you leave pertinent information on the dash of your car (e.g. name

    and phone number of your contact in town, location of travel/campsite and so on) search teams
    will have a very timely idea of your plans. Otherwise, search teams can be of little assistance
    when all that is known is that you "went camping somewhere in the Gore Range." 

    And then, it's nice to have specific instructions.  That's one of the things I insist on, whenever Mark heads off to go backcountry skiing or climbing — guided or not:   a specific set of "deadlines" and directions for what to do if he misses each one.

    If he were to tell me, "I'm parking at the such-and-such trailhead and planning to summit such-and-such a peak; we're going to turn back by 11 a.m. at the latest and I expect to be back in cell phone range by 5 p.m.," that would be … a good start.  But that doesn't answer the actionable question, which is… so what do you want me to do if you haven't called me by 5 p.m.? 

    I can't read his mind (too bad, that would come in handy for backcountry travel), and I'm hundreds of miles away and not familiar with the area he's in.   Furthermore, it's his job to set up the safety procedures for his trip, not mine — even if I have a role to play in those procedures.   

    Some people might think that the right thing to do is call the authorities the minute someone is overdue.  But this would be premature.  SAR is expensive, and part of backcountry ethics is being prepared to deal with delays and unexpected events.  You're not supposed to have SAR be your first line of defense if anything goes wrong; you're expected to do what you can to aid in your own shelter and rescue.    So, for example, if there's a signficant chance that a delay could force you to spend the night on the mountain (rather than trying to follow a difficult trail down in the dark), you bring bivy gear and extra food, and you instruct your contact person that your arrival time could be delayed by twelve hours or whatever with no cause for alarm.  It would be silly to send out the dogs for someone who's comfortably ensconced in warm waterproof layers, seated on an insulated pad, munching energy bars, and waiting for nothing more dramatic than daylight.

    In this case, even though he expected to be back in cell phone range by 5 pm, he definitely didn't want me calling SAR at 5:01 .  He figured on giving himself several hours of leeway time — time to accidentally go down the wrong trail, figure it out, and backtrack if necessary; time to sustain an ankle injury and  slowly crawl back to the vehicle, should that happen; time to arrive at the climb, find it occupied by another party, and wait for them to finish before starting.  None of those delays, not even an injury, are an emergency that requires calling out the authorities; they're all the kind of things that you're supposed to be prepared to deal with yourself.  And if you wind up dealing with something like that, you'll be delayed.  And that's okay.

    It's not terribly fun to have to wait the few hours between "overdue time" and "call out the dogs time," but it's much better than sitting there wondering, "Should I call out the dogs, or is it too soon?  I wonder how long I should wait?  If I make the wrong decision SOMEBODY COULD DIE."  

    I told Mark, he has to own the when-should-I-call-search-and-rescue decision.  And he owns it by giving me specific instructions about when to call, and whom to call.  And also by telling me everything pertinent:  where he's starting, what he plans to do, and even what he's carrying (I like to know, for example, if he's prepared to spend the night outdoors and what weather he's prepared for, and for him to confirm that he has a GPS, map, and compass).

    + + +

    Every once in a while I run into the opinion that it's irresponsible for anyone, but especially a parent of young children, to engage in common adventure sports at all.  Backcountry hiking, black-diamond skiing, rock climbing, etc.

    (Occasionally this extends to activities as banal-sounding as bicycle commuting.  There's a lot of victim-blaming in the comments to news stories about cyclists who get struck by cars.  It's very depressing.  I have a theory that a large number of people simply don't believe that bad things can happen to good people.)

    I think it's irresponsible to think you can remove all risk from life.  Every day we're surrounded by common risky activities:  from the acutely risky, like riding in cars or taking showers in slippery bathtubs, to the chronically risky, like occupational exposure to low-frequency noise or sitting around getting no exercise.  And many culturally-not-considered-extreme hobbies carry a surprisingly high risk; for example, recreational boating is well accepted here in Minnesota, but it's also relatively risky (one estimate from Ohio:  about 1 fatality per million operator-hours; another estimate has 1 canoeing fatality per 720,000 outings.)  

    Rock climbing is riskier than boating, but not the OMG IT MUST BE MANY TIMES RISKIER HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT WHEN YOU HAVE SMALL CHILDREN AT HOME!!! that you might expect from all the teeth-gnashing about it.  Do you ever hear anyone say, "Gosh, I'd never have elective surgery under general anesthesia while I still had young children at home?"  Well, that's more likely to kill you than a rock climbing trip.

    All this is to say:  Hobbies are important.  It's good to have them.  And it's okay to have hobbies that carry some risk.  The important thing is to diligently take reasonable precautions and follow well-accepted safety protocols; to keep your head and know your limits; and to talk about safety and comfort with the people who depend on you, to make sure that no one is forced into a situation where they're uncomfortable with the level of "adventure."   Mark and I have worked pretty hard over the past few years to create an atmosphere in which I'm always on board with what he's up to, and if I'm not, we work together to figure out what needs to change until I am.  

    Hypothetically, this works the other way round as well, even though these days I'm rarely mounting any expeditions further than the grocery store.  But hey, I expect my time will come.


  • Prayer request. (UPDATED)

    Particularly at 3 p.m. Eastern time on Tuesday, for longtime online friends facing an uncertain future and the prospect of uprooting their young family after a completely-unexpected denial of tenure, which means having to look for another job quite soon. The field is not one with lucrative alternatives in the private sector, so they face considerable hardship and a difficult job search. They are shocked and unprepared.

    Three o'clock Tuesday is the hour of a crucial meeting that is part of a Hail Mary tenure appeals process. Please hold them in your hearts.

    UPDATE FROM MY FRIEND.  

    "Back from meeting. There is tangible hope. We have a plan forward.

    "It is still stressful and scary and is not for sure, but we were given some good advice from [COLLEGE DEAN] and it is more clear now what needs to happen and the size of the mountain we need to climb.

    "It's huge. But at least it looks like there may be a chance to climb it, instead of there being no chance at all.

    Thank you everyone so so so much I really felt strong going in there because of your prayers."  

    Thanks, all. Sounds like they could still use your prayers for the next step, whatever it is. I'll update when I can.


  • Profiles in marriage.

    My friend Margaret at Minnesota Mom has posted a beautiful profile of her parents today. Twenty years ago, she interviewed them as a university assignment; this is a sort of update.

    It’s really lovely — go read.