Beauty and luxury, through a child’s eyes.

Hallie Lord has a guest post at Elizabeth Foss's blog that is worth looking at. She has long argued on her own blog, Betty Beguiles, for a proper understanding of the pursuit of feminine beauty or prettiness, as part of the vocation of mother and wife. Generally there she takes the "pretty is good" side, since so many women have a sort of fear of pretty — either because they worry it smacks of vanity and materialism, or because they don't have enough self-esteem to think they can pull it off.  

Here she argues for the enjoyment of, shall we say, "girl stuff" (bubble bath, shoes, lipstick) for its own sake, for the sake of the pleasures we find in it.

(To the extent that we like that kind of thing, of course. I'm not veryinto lipstick, for example. But to each girl their own girl stuff.

I was reminded of just how much joy there is to be found in these things as I watched my three sweet small girls celebrate Christmas. I was struck by the glee with which they sought out their most beautiful dresses for Mass on Christmas Eve, the quiet delight they found in brushing one another’s hair with the new hairbrushes that they found tucked into their stockings, and the long hot bubble baths they insisted upon on Christmas afternoon.

My daughters aren’t yet old enough to recognize that there might be value in doing any of these things for the benefit of others; they do them simply because they realize that which is easy for us busy Moms toforget: God created them (and us) for joy and the enjoyment of simple pleasures is their (and our) right.

So often the love that many little girls have for "pretty stuff" is brushed off and even condemned: as evidence of cultural sexism or materialism or vanity or premature sexualization. But it's so nearly universal that I think there must be something naturally good in there too.

I like the conceptof recapturing a little-child-like love for beautiful and luxurious things, as a way of guarding against vanity, by enjoying them as simple pleasures.  So much better than  raising them to more importance than they have,  or else erring in the other direction by thinking of them as worthless or even dangerous. All beauties have their proper place.

 


Comments

7 responses to “Beauty and luxury, through a child’s eyes.”

  1. There was a stupid article going around a month or so ago in which the author bragged that she never told little girls that they were “so pretty” but only made conversation by asking what they were reading. And I thought, “Why should these two be mutually exclusive? I like to know what my daughters are reading, and I think they’re pretty, and I talk about both things with them.” The compartmentalization of personality is something I try to avoid with my children — beautiful girls can read, dance, do math, cook. A reader is defined as “one who reads”, not as one who shuns makeup. An athlete is defined as “one who is athletic”, not as one who doesn’t care about academics. A scholar is defined as “one who studies”, not as one who can’t be bothered to get any exercise. Little girls ought to allowed to like pretty things without being told that they also need to like XYZ or that liking pretty things means they can’t like XYZ.

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  2. Barbara C. Avatar
    Barbara C.

    I saw that article, Mrs. Darwin, and argued with my friend who posted it. People think telling a girl she is pretty will make her shallow, maybe if that’s the only nice thing anyone says about her. But how many girls are hurt worse because they are never told they are pretty.
    On my 18 birthday I died my hair for the first time as a kind of “starting a new life” rite of passage. Then I went to work on something with my former high school drama director who immediately chastised me for coloring my hair (even if only a slight variation of my natural color) because it was unnecessary because I was “perfectly beautiful before” I did it. That’s the first time I ever remember anyone telling me after the age of 7 that I was beautiful (as opposed to being referred to as a “dog” for many years). I still tear up when I think of it and when I pray for the repose of that man’s soul in heaven.
    Now that being said, I have NEVER been a girlie girl. I wear make-up for special occasions but I really can’t be bothered with it everyday. I will never wear high heels again. I have a few skirts, but it’s only in recent years that I’ve begun to appreciate them with the constant weight fluctuations of pregnancy and childbirth.
    My girls, however, are girly girls…love dresses and skirts and fashion. I try to let them just be them as long as they don’t completely cross the lines of modesty, practicality, and common sense. Thankfully their Granny, who just moved in, is a more girly girl, too, so they have an adult to sympathize with them about a love of lip gloss and nail polish.

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  3. Of course if the author of that article about asking little girls what they’re reading were the only person in the world who talked to little girls you’d be perfectly correct in demanding that she also tell them they’re pretty. But she’s not. Those little girls are surrounded by people who cannot make any conversation with little girls except to tell them how pretty they are.
    And while I’m a fan of hair brushes and lipsticks and bubble baths and other frilly fun girl things, I have to ask. What frilly fun BOY things are we to encourage. Do you have sons? Do you encourage their simple pleasures? My boys love bubble baths, or the bath oil I give them in the winter. I know several little girls who HATE having their hair brushed. I wish this wasn’t about a girl/boy divide.

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  4. Yeah, I have three boys.
    Hallie’s article was about her daughters, so that’s what I was responding to.
    I wouldn’t call the things my boys find fun “frilly.” More like “bloodthirsty.”

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  5. I wouldn’t say that I demand the author tell little girls that they’re pretty. I think that she’s setting up a false dichotomy by setting “prettiness” against reading. Someone who will discuss only one topic with a child is kind of a bore, whether the topic is appearance or a contrived interest in what the child is reading.
    Here’s the article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html
    It strikes me that the author doesn’t have lots of practice in talking to children, because there are actually a lot of ways to start conversations with kids that don’t involve their appearance. Could it be that… kids are people too, and might have interests other than those of the person talking to them? Revolutionary.

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  6. Lisa Bloom is a product of her generation (she’s around my age 45) in which she experienced a full on assault on all that is feminine and beautiful. All the stupidity that started in the 60s reached a crescendo in the 70s, and unfortunately, an entire generation of young girls were raised to see Billy Jean King and Marlo Thomas’s “Free to Be You and Me” as the epitome of femininity. Pity her poor daughter that has to relive this stupidity.

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  7. I always find these discussions fascinating, by the way, because I am not a “naturally girly” girl and never have been.
    Part of it may have been helped along by decisions by my mother not to specifically encourage certain things — I never owned a Barbie doll, for example, though I enacted many soap-opera-like scenarios with my friend down the street who had a huge collection including The Three-Story House With The Elevator. Part of it is a dose of (self-diagnosed, admittedly) Asperger’s that generally made me not give a crap about appearance-related stuff, and part is that I enjoyed being a geek in high school, although of course by the early 90s there were plenty of “girls can love science too” cheerleaders around.
    Nevertheless, it has been eye-opening to have a daughter of my own, to say the least. I think the key is not to think too much about either avoiding or encouraging stereotypes, and instead take the time to comprehend children as individuals, not little stages where you get to play-enact your beliefs about how the world should be. My world has a lot of ninja blaster death ray guns AND a lot of sparkly princess shoes.

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