Impressions.

Betty Beguiles is blogging about the idea that dressing reasonably well is "a contributing factor to a happy marriage."  She will be posting more about it in upcoming days, she says.  The comments are worth reading:

"As I have gained esteem for myself, I have begun putting more care into how I dress and style myself. As I have put more care into my appearance, I gain more confidence and esteem in myself. Both are necessary."

"*sigh* As I sit here in a paint spattered T-shirt and athletic shorts, I secretly bemoan the warmer weather that is riding in on a tide of tornados. Because…. I love my yoga pants. Again, I say *sigh*. "

" I firmly believe putting forth a little effort can bear much fruit. It shows my husband that I still care about looking lovely for him a decade into our marriage, it's a nice witness to a culture that often devalues SAHMs, it shows my children that I value my vocation and it energizes me. "

"I do try very hard to not look like a complete slob. Not that my husband would love me less; but a skirt does make a difference in my mood. Last week I was behind on laundry and all my skirts were dirty so I was stuck with yoga pants. I felt scuzzy."

"I love how you said looking put together can show that your role as a stay home mom has value (although you said it more eloquently). That really resonates with me….sure, it can contribue to a happier marriage. It is a snowball affect – you take a little extra time for yourself, put on a little makeup or an outfit that makes you feel good. So you do feel good. It shows. Your husband comes home to a woman who looks just a little nicer, a little happier, a little more content with herself – because she feels a little better. He'll notice and whether he says anything or not, he'll appreciate it. …I will confess to being a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. But I'm working on taking my casual/comfortable style to a little more stylish/comfortable :)."

I think this is an interesting train of thought, although I am not really sure to what extent I agree with it.  On the one hand, I definitely try to avoid the "sloppy mommy look."  On the other hand, whereas some of her commenters refer derisively to going out in yoga pants, I am actually pretty happy and pleased to walk out the door wearing my running clothes.  Readers of this blog will know that I consider it a sort of badge of honor that I (a) own running clothes and (b) actually use them for running.  If I am headed out the door with my yet-to-be-washed hair stuffed into a bandanna and my running clothes on, you can bet that "go to gym" is on my to-do list.  

And then of course, there is the statement — which I pretty much agree with — that women (when they pay attention to what they wear) don't typically dress to send signals to men, even their husbands; they dress to send signals to other women.   

But I didn't want to wax at length about these theories without some data from the male sex, so I popped up to the bedroom where Mark was idly (I hope) reading a book about ice climbing, and asked, "Do you think that a wife's dressing well is a contributing factor to a happy marriage?  I mean, does it matter to you if I dress nicely?"

He thought about it for a while and then said:  "When we go out, I like it if you put on clothes that project a false impression that we have our shit together."

There you go.  I definitely married the right person.