So how did I do?  How did my first-ever post-glutton, post-eating-disorder fast day go? 

Purely on the level of… coping with the fast?  Setting the spiritual aside for a moment?  On the same level as if I'd had to fast for, say, a blood test or something?

Well.  Let me tell you.  I still have… issues.  That fear-of-getting-hungry thing?  It's still there a bit, hiding beneath the surface.

Case in point:  where I was at 11:45 p.m. Tuesday night.  Care to guess?

Dingalingaling!  "Standing in front of the refrigerator, panicked, eating food at random!"  Boy, I haven't done that in a while.  Months, at least.  It was notable, if only because… I haven't done that in a while.  Months, at least.   


Also because I was uncomfortably aware of the sensation of an overfull stomach.  It began to seem like a really good idea not to have breakfast the next morning, fast day or not.


So.   Wednesday I fasted on vegetable broth (ok… and black coffee) till 3 pm, ate a balanced meal with my kids (meatless lasagna, leeks, fruit salad, and bread), and then returned to the vegetable broth.

Did I get hungry?  You betcha.  Did I notice I was hungry?  Oh yes. 

I went to bed around 10, wondering if I was going to wake after midnight and head downstairs for another binge.

About 2:30 in the morning I woke up with a growling stomach.  I considered staying in bed, but then went downstairs.  And amazed myself.

Because I didn't want to binge.  I had a light meal of leftover leeks, about a half cup of pasta, and some sauce.  And went back to bed.

I think I've learned a few things.  And I think I'm… well.  At least, more well than I have ever been before. The last year has changed me, really healed me.  I bet I can manage Holy Thursday with no binges at all.  


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