Kegels.

I know I said blogging would be light, but it turns out that I am spending plenty of time lying on the couch nursing new baby Mary Jane.  And I am pretty proficient at one-handed typing.

Today, because I am tired of wetting my pants when I sneeze, I googled used Google to search for tips on strengthening pelvic floor muscles postpartum. Yes, I know the Kegel drill, but a refresher is warranted.  (Quick show of hands:  How many mothers out there, on reading the words "pelvic floor" or "Kegel," immediately and perhaps with an involuntary spasm of guilt at having neglected them, performed a few "clenches?"  You know you should be doing then 15 times each day.  Cough and give me twenty, ladies!) 

I found some suggestions here.  But even more interesting than the strengthening exercises, which can be done postpartum, are the other two recommendations (actually hypothetical recommendations under research testing that is described on this site).  One, birth via spontaneous rather than forced or controlled pushing, is uncontroversial.  But the other, self-administered prenatal perineal massage, well…

Consider that the authors of the site recommend that women begin massaging their own perineal areas at 34 weeks pregnant and continue through the end of pregnancy.  Then click here to see the diagram (warning to multigravidas:  clench first).

"Sit or lean back in a comfortable position" indeed.  I applaud the authors of the site for their mission — after all, if we all develop this particular brand of Inner Poise we will not have to depend on the external variety — but I have to wonder if any of them have actually attempted this maneuver when seven and a half months pregnant.