More on confession.

From the point of view of the priest (in this case, Fr. Martin Fox — where would we be without the priestbloggers?)

I sometimes wonder what folks think of the penances they accept from me. I try to match a penance to the situation shared; but too often, I receive no inspiration, and I resort to something rather standard. I have to remind myself: I’m a priest–Christ is present in my ministry, and I know that’s true when I give absolution. That does not mean, however, that I have been given any special, supernatural gift of being a doctor of souls, as it seems some priests have been given. One point I make about the penance is that is not a "punishment" nor even a "payment," but rather more like an "offering" and even more, healing. One penance I often give–which draws a puzzled reaction–is to ask a married person, "can you do something romantic with your spouse?" I could be wrong, especially as I haven’t been married, but I stand by that as a worthwhile penance: because what I’m intending is that the spouse I’m speaking to take the lead in some healing within that very important sacramental relationship of marriage….

This gives me occasion to remind you, dear reader, that when you go to confession, the priest does not, merely, assign a penance; the penitent must accept it. At least, so I was taught and so is my practice. After suggesting a penance, I ask: "can you do that?" and/or, "that’s not too hard?" Sometimes, people will give a reason they can’t do a penance (e.g., I might say, "can you apologize to that person?" and the penitent might reply, "I don’t know that I’ll see him again."), and I will change it.

As a confessor, I try to remind myself how delicate, how privileged, this moment is. I recall something a priest I know says often at penance services for high school children: pray for us priests that we won’t get in the way of Jesus. There are times I wonder if I should say anything at all, and there are times I merely suggest a penance and give absolution.